Category: Poetry

I gaze at the sheet of paper: 
the answer to everything. 
It all makes sense now: 
my fear of loud noises
my obsession with animals
my messy writing.

The answers were all there, 
but like an optical illusion, 
doctors were tricked and came to the wrong conclusion. 

I’m left behind. 
A lone wolf.

Despite my
friends
and family
who love me,
nobody knows what it’s like
to be me-
-like a frequently misunderstood creature
feared by humans.

I just want someone to talk to
someone who gets it. 
After all
isn’t that all anyone wants? 
Companionship? 
Someone who understands them–
So they can feel a little less alone? 

It’s all written here,
on this piece of paper. 
My life story for everyone to see.
They know who I am–
the real me. 
I don’t have to hide anymore,
but why am I still afraid?

I’m different
but not
“different.” 
I’m not some exotic creature
from some far away, 
unknown land. 

I see the world in my own way 
but I am just as capable as anyone else
in this room,
in this city,
in this world. 

I have unlocked a new piece of my identity,
but I am not bound by my diagnosis,
I am not chained like a prisoner. 
I can still fly away,
and I will,
to new horizons, 
towards a future, 
ripe with possibility and discovery. 

In honor of Dear Evan Hansen

My hands are not sweating.
They are normally this wet. 
Thoughts flash through my head like a raging storm: 
I am lost deep within a cenote, 
swimming blindly toward her,
my only source of light. 
Zoe is a goddess. 
I pray to her. 
Aphrodite–
beautiful beyond words.
Her supernatural beauty lures me in, 
I sense the danger, 
but I am helpless to stop her. 
She’s a queen,
and I’m nothing but a mere commoner, 
a speck of dust floating through the air.

Today I ran into Connor Murphy,
he scares me.
He’s a lion ready to pounce on a helpless deer. 
He signed my cast,
but I fear the worst. 
He’s as unpredictable as a tropical storm,
Ready to blow down everything in its path. 
I can’t believe he found my note.
I hope a black hole swallows me up:
I am so embarrassed! 
Even worse,
now he knows how I feel about his sister.
I guess I shouldn’t be surprised,
my life sucks already. 
What’s one more stroke of bad luck? 

I’ll always be prey. 
One day,
the predators will catch up. 
They will eat me for dinner. Then
finally, I will be free. 
Maybe
that’s why I climbed that tree.
That’s why I tried to let go.
It didn’t work, 
of course.
Why would anything work for me? 
For meh… 
I guess the worst is yet to come. 
Bad luck follows me wherever I go.
It’s always there,
lurking in the shadows.
Will I be ready? 

Endless maze of trees.
Running to catch up.
Katelyn is beside me 
With raised eyebrows and a distant gaze. 
I know this world like I know my own heartbeat.  
Whenever reality becomes too chaotic
I find solace here. 
Still 
Katelyn’s gaze makes me question my knowledge. 
Do I really know where we’re going?


Mei knows the pathway to camp
She holds her head high,
A fierce expression on her face
like a warrior about to head into battle. 
She tears through the forest
Like a cat chasing its prey.
Or perhaps she is a cat? 
While I attempt to keep my balance 
Nearly tripping over every tree root,
Every log
She just keeps running
Agile and nimble.
Finally
chests heaving
our shirts soaked with sweat
we arrive at the campsite. 


Every day is a new adventure.
Mei is fast
But I can keep up. 
For once
I know the route and Katelyn doesn’t.
I know how to navigate this world
because I’ve read about it
immersed myself in it
even dreamed about it 
for months. 
Here
survival matters more than common sense
imagination matters more than reason 
strategy is important but so is instinct. 


The real world is far away now
it flew away on a cloud
was carried downstream by a waterfall
evaporated as a morning mist
No.
I’m only fooling myself.
I know I don’t belong here
I’m a lion in a pack of wolves
we’re all predators
but I’m different
an entirely different species. 

I wish I could stay here forever
with Katelyn and Mei
training from dawn till dusk
surrounded by friends
free from worrying if anyone will sit with me for lunch. 
I’m tired of people judging me
for my obscure and “childish” interests. 
I should just forget about the real world.
I could start a new life
where my only worry is survival
instead of the terrifying demon of high school
which demands I 
“grow up,” 
and 
“act your age.” 
But I can’t. 
I have a family
and a home.


And so I must face the truth.
I can travel across dimensions–
between fictional worlds and real life. 
But I can’t forget 
the home that waits in my reality–
I might feel more lonely 
than I do in the world of transformed
but I could never find it in me
to leave my family
my two sisters,
my moms,
and my three dogs. 
I love them more than words can describe. 
Katelyn admits that she underestimated me.
And maybe
that’s all I want
for people to realize that I am a star
hidden by the day 
but once night comes
I emerge high in the sky
burning bright. 

Mental Disability? I Think You Mean Mental Ability.

I am from the fear of loud booms in the night.
I wonder if I’ll be next.
I am from mourning,
People are dying all around me.
Every creature is dying,
I look for another way,
Death is not the answer.
I am from behind the bars,
I was trapped.
I could see the outside,
I could almost touch the keys,
But they were just out of reach.
I am from loneliness,
Separation from society,
Despair, confusion, hatred.
I am from feeling pain,
Ignorance is selfishness,
It is not bliss.
I am from hope.
One day we will all be set free.
I am from love.
I am from an ever-changing world,
Even when I know,
It’s not the way it’s supposed to be,
Because one day it will be.

Every day someone is forgotten.
Blown away by the wind,
Squished like a bug,
Silenced by the dead of night.

All men aren’t created equal,
All people are created equal.
All creatures are created equal.

Eliza and Alexander Hamilton,
Hercules,
John Laurens,
Sally Hemings,
Katherine Johnson,
Dorothy Vaughan,
Mary Jackson,
Red Cloud,
Crazy Horse,
Black Elk,
Sojourner Truth,
Martin Luther King Jr.

Just a few examples of people,
And so many more,
Whose true stories have been either erased,
Or distorted cruelly,
Currently, or previously for a long time,
Either because of race, gender, ethnicity, or birthplace.

We may not have control over
Who lives, who dies, who tells our story,
But we do have control over
Who tells their story, the forgotten stories,
And how we tell their story, truthfully.

No one deserves to be forgotten.
No one deserves to disappear.
No one deserves to fade away.

Inspiration:  Hamilton by Lin-Manuel Miranda & Dear Evan Hansen

Around the world,
Lots of hate unfurls.
But I know,
There’s enough hope.
We just need to,
Lift each other up,
And spread the love.
Give up the hate.
We change our fate,
We are the future,
Though amateurs,
I know for sure,
We spread the love.
Nothing’s perfect.
But if we all let,
Our world fall down,
We will all drown.
Every day,
There’s devastation.
We must find ways,
Ways to save earth
We must find the light.
We must find love.
We must do what’s right.
We will save our home.

I am a forest fire.
Nothing gets in my way.
Obstacles can’t stop me,
They feed me to burn brighter.

I am our sun,
I keep our world filled,
With beautiful skies of love.
Without me,
Our world would be caught,
In a blizzard of hate.
My emotions are paintings,
Interpreted differently,
From person to person.
My heart is a door,
Open to the universe.
Everything,
Is welcome.
Hate and pain crack it,
But in the end,
Make it stronger.

Our world is bleeding,
But,
I am the medicine.
The wound is not infected,
So it can’t kill us.
Only show us our mistakes.
I’ll heal the cuts and bruises,
Hate has brought us,
Because,
I stay determined.
I’ll protect us.
I stay determined.
I’ll do what I must.

I am determined to love.
Like I love myself.
The key to loving others,
Starts with me.
I’m proud to be,
Analytical,
Unique,
Technical,
Imaginative,
Strong,
Talented,
Inspiring,
Caring.
Determined.
You’re gonna have a bad time,
If you try to smother me,
Waters of hate.
There’s a burning feeling inside me.
A feeling I can’t describe.
A feeling that won’t let me give up!
I’ll burn them with love,
I’ll show them,
My fire,
My determination,
Never dies.

I am a forest fire.
Nothing gets in my way.
Obstacles can’t stop me,
They feed me to burn brighter.