Survival

Endless maze of trees.
Running to catch up.
Katelyn is beside me 
With raised eyebrows and a distant gaze. 
I know this world like I know my own heartbeat.  
Whenever reality becomes too chaotic
I find solace here. 
Still 
Katelyn’s gaze makes me question my knowledge. 
Do I really know where we’re going?


Mei knows the pathway to camp
She holds her head high,
A fierce expression on her face
like a warrior about to head into battle. 
She tears through the forest
Like a cat chasing its prey.
Or perhaps she is a cat? 
While I attempt to keep my balance 
Nearly tripping over every tree root,
Every log
She just keeps running
Agile and nimble.
Finally
chests heaving
our shirts soaked with sweat
we arrive at the campsite. 


Every day is a new adventure.
Mei is fast
But I can keep up. 
For once
I know the route and Katelyn doesn’t.
I know how to navigate this world
because I’ve read about it
immersed myself in it
even dreamed about it 
for months. 
Here
survival matters more than common sense
imagination matters more than reason 
strategy is important but so is instinct. 


The real world is far away now
it flew away on a cloud
was carried downstream by a waterfall
evaporated as a morning mist
No.
I’m only fooling myself.
I know I don’t belong here
I’m a lion in a pack of wolves
we’re all predators
but I’m different
an entirely different species. 

I wish I could stay here forever
with Katelyn and Mei
training from dawn till dusk
surrounded by friends
free from worrying if anyone will sit with me for lunch. 
I’m tired of people judging me
for my obscure and “childish” interests. 
I should just forget about the real world.
I could start a new life
where my only worry is survival
instead of the terrifying demon of high school
which demands I 
“grow up,” 
and 
“act your age.” 
But I can’t. 
I have a family
and a home.


And so I must face the truth.
I can travel across dimensions–
between fictional worlds and real life. 
But I can’t forget 
the home that waits in my reality–
I might feel more lonely 
than I do in the world of transformed
but I could never find it in me
to leave my family
my two sisters,
my moms,
and my three dogs. 
I love them more than words can describe. 
Katelyn admits that she underestimated me.
And maybe
that’s all I want
for people to realize that I am a star
hidden by the day 
but once night comes
I emerge high in the sky
burning bright.